no one’s gonna love you if you can’t do the rumba.

HELLO! been a long time, dear reader. hope you didn’t forget about me. i didn’t forget about you. i never could. i’ve just been terribly busy with the end of junior year, but now IT’S OVER. thank you god/jesus/allah/cory monteith (because i basically worship him like a god, okay?). summer is here, and i couldn’t be more excited. here’s to more blogging. 

i. it’s been about two months since i posted something, and oddly enough, the last time i posted, it was the night before i took the act for the second time. guess who is taking it for the third time tomorrow? me. that’s right. funny how life works like that. 

majorly nervous for tomorrow, but i can totally do this. i can TOTALLY do this. I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS. my mom told me today that when i say something, it usually becomes a little self-fulfilling prophecy, and i’ve been thinking positively for months. i got this. 

it’s all about positive thoughts. i got this. 

ii. i’m going to be a senior. i’m sorry, but wasn’t freshman year, like, five seconds ago?! i haven’t wrapped my head around all of this yet, but i ordered my senior shirt the other day that states “we’re the c14ss they warned you about”, which i think is very funny. i’ll let you know when it hits me. 

iii. GOODBYE PRECAL, YOU DEVIL MATH YOU. 

iv. this summer, i think i have three goals: read a lot, be productive, be more organized. so, if anyone has any summer reading recs, i’d love to hear them. i really want to broaden my reading horizons, so i think i’ll read somethings that i wouldn’t normally pick up. i hope i’ll do some little reviews and recommendations. we’ll see. 

v. everyone. prepare yourselves. the best day of the year is fast approaching. sunday is….

THE TONY’S.

this is like my christmas, i swear to god. i am honestly so excited. the performances, the dresses, the tears during acceptance speeches. i love every second. i want to find/do one of those little score card things where you make predictions on winners and such. must find one tomorrow. hopefully i can find one and post it here. wouldn’t that be fun? 

i think so too. 

vi. due to the persuasion/peer pressure of a few of my friends, i think i’m going to start game of thrones. i’m scared. eeeeee. i’ll let you know how that goes. 

vii. must download the hands on a hardbody, kinky boots, and pippin soundtracks. must. 

(told you i love broadway.) 

viii. okay, so. let’s talk about dreams for a second. 

mine is that i want to be a journalist. i want to work for the new york times. little story time: when i went to new york over spring break, on the cab to the hotel from the airport, i saw the new york times building for the first time ever. i swear to whatever holy, higher power you believe, my whole entire being just lit up. i was definitely maybe crying–whenever i see/am in/leave new york, i cry; it just happens–at that point, and seeing that building just made me want it.  

i’m not someone who expects things to fall in my lap, so. i’m working for it. in fact, in a little more than two weeks, i’m going to brown university for a journalism summer program. this makes me a happy girl. three weeks in rhode island doing what i want to be doing. yes yes yes. i am very very excited/nervous/pleased. 

i’m coming for you, dream. prepare yourself. 

ix. recently, one of my best best best friends on the entire planet got a twitter. this is very exciting because she, sadly, lives about 3ish hours away. both she and i are very busy people and don’t talk as much as we should. but thanks to her twitter-getting, we’re able to talk more. in fact, we’re making plans to see each other at some point this summer. 

i’ve known her since the first day of forth grade, and she was one of those people who i just instantly clicked with. it’s so easy and effortless to talk to her (when one of us makes the effort). i truly miss her so much, and the fact that we are, for lack of a better word, reconnecting again makes me smile so much and warms my heart. 

x. have a nice weekend. 

🙂 

ps. xi. the title is from a song on the matilda the musical soundtrack, loud. it has absolutely no context in this post, as i’m sure you know, but it makes me happy and giggle and i like it. so. my title it is. 

spiels, rambles, and such.

i hope you, dear reader, had a super good easter weekend. mine was quite low key and lovely. he is risen, and after everything i’ve eaten today, so is my body weight.  this post, i apologize in advance for. i have a lot on my mind, so i give you this post. 

i.  if your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough. 

ii. on thursday night i ventured downtown with my family to see jersey boys. it was lovely. if you’ve ever met me ever, you probably know how much i enjoyed it. they had nice dance moves. and wore nice jackets. it was just… nice. 

but that isn’t the point. if you, dear reader, aren’t familiar with the show, it’s about the four seasons. not spring, summer, fall, winter, but the boy (man?) group during the 60’s. and at the very very end of the show, the frankie vali character looks back on his career and says that all of it was fantastic and everything. but then, he says that the part he loved the most was the members of the group standing below a streetlight in new jersey where they lived (this show named itself, really.) when they first started off thinking of what’s to come. what they could do, all they could be, what they could achieve. 

and i thought that was beautiful. because isn’t that the best part of being a teenager like myself? i don’t know what i’ll do/be/become when i’m older, but the possibilities, the options, the map that folds out in front of me, one that’s mine to draw, explore, create, are limitless. the prospect that i could be a chemist, journalist, ep, curator, etc is enough right now. this map, this life, this everything, is mine to mold. and as i change from this girl, to a girl woman, to a woman, that’s such a powerful thing to realize, i think. the options that splay out in front of me are empowering. maybe i’ll never become what i see my future self as now, but the choices, the chances, the everything that i have the ability to absorb are astounding. 

thanks for that, frankie vali. 

iii. it was so lovely to see my sister. i adore her. sad to see her go. 

iv. there’s a collector’s edition of the fault in our stars. MY FAVORITE BOOK. i need this like i need my insulin pump. 

v. THE COVER WAS SILVER. it looks beautiful. 

vi. i also need the “okay? okay.” shirt. 

vii. if you haven’t read tfios, i feel sorry for you. 

viii. if you have read tfios, i feel sorry for you. 

ix. another shirt i need is the one that says “daisy  buchanon (i can never spell that. forgive me.) thinks you’re a beautiful fool.” and it’s only like $15. why am i so cheap? 

x. every time i see a great gatsby trailer, i poop my pants. i need some fracking adult underwear. 

xi. for reasons i don’t want to explain at the risk of crying, i would so so so much appreciate if you sent some good thoughts, some sort of sacred dance, a mumble of “god, i hope this girl’s not crazy”.

come on, universe. pull through for me, just this once. 

xii. i watched the first episode of bbc sherlock last night (obviously an 17 year old girl’s idea of a wild and crazy night.) and holy god jesus, it was beautiful. i am excited to watch more. 

xiii. i have not seen my hair straightener in quite awhile. last week i used my sister’s. now she is gone. looks like i’m pinning my bangs back with a bobby pin for the foreseeable future. 

also i can’t seem to locate any pants. i do love being the daughter of divorced parents. 

xiv. i do not watch game of thrones. i feel like that lame girl who stands next to the snacks at the party. am i totally missing out?

xv. the end. have a good monday fun day.